They're my weakness because once you have one you must have more. Today I was studying and I said "just a handful and thats it" but then I had three more handfuls. *sigh*... right now I'm in the middle of a hard case and I could really use some more. I'm fighting the urge. Will not give in!!! I'm such an emotional eater. When I look at the scale it always goes up as my stress goes up. I wish I was like my friends who say "oh my gosh I lost ten pounds cuz i'm so stressed out!"

Before I got married I worked out ate right and lost 30 pounds in about 6 months. I did it by counting my points with Weight Watchers (though I didnt officially join I just learned how they worked) and being strict about it. I remember how good it would feel to wake up in the morning and feel good not icky because you binge ate the night before and you can feel it still in your tummy. It took about six weeks before I began atualy losing weight but then it started falling.

Over time I wasn't tempted anymore. I remember I'd go to restaurants and look only at their "light" stuff, salad on the side, etc. I didn't even WANT to touch the bread at red lobsters...It is amazing not to be tempted anymore because over eating was my addiction and it felt good to be free.

I still remember when I fell off track. It was our honeymoon and we were at a nice restaurant in Charelston and I figured.... oh well I'll order the Cajun pasta since its' my honeymoon I deserve it. I remember looking at the dish and I didnt want it. But I ate it. And I guess like an addict I remembered how good it felt to eat and slowly I fell off the wagon.

I love to eat. Food is delicious and something that gives life richness. When I lost weight three and a half years ago I had trained myself to see my food addiction as an addiction. Food was good but I had to moderate. Self discipline. And the feeling of fitting into size 5's was incredible and it made it so worth it.

Four yeras later I don tknow how I gained it all back. It's harder now too. My husband loves me. He wants me to lose weight because he knows how I lack confidence in myself, and that affects us. But I dont know why I can't seem to resist like I used to.

They say it takes 21 days to break a bad habit so if you stick to kicking it for 21 days straight the statistics are in your favor that you'll break the habit.

Well at least right now I'm not eating the nachos.

I dont know if this a site where I can vent about stuff like this. If its not please let me know and I wont!! I just needed a release to a crowd that maybe understood what I feel right now.

Thanks.

- Aisha

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