I have had so many thoughts fighting it out in my head this past weekend that I wanted to get them out. So here is what I'm thinking - without much structure.

If I lose weight I'll be more attractive.
If I'm more attractive, I'll attract more sexual attention.
The purpose of sexual attention is to attract a mate.
I already have a mate.
My mate already wants sex all the time. If I become even more attractive he'll never leave me alone.
My mate will also become jealous and even more over-protective. I'll feel suffocated.
If I lose weight I'll be able to get all the pretty clothes I always wanted.
If I get all the clothes I always wanted, I'll want accessories.
If I have clothes and accesories I'll want fancy makeup, shoes, bags.
I'll have to keep up this "perfect image" and it'll become exhausting.
Eventually I'll become so materialistic that I'll want nicer things for my home as well.
I'll be unsatisfied and never content because nothing will seem good enough.
I'll always want more.
I won't be happy.

Ok - So I see a fear of ultimatley, not being any happier. And you know what? It is true. If you aren't happy on the inside - looking better on the outside doesn't always fix everything.

So how do I get happier on the inside? Why am I unhappy?

I am unhappy because I compare myself to others. I am unhappy because I compare myself to societal beliefs about what "having it all" means. I am unhappy because somewhere deep inside I want to strive for the unrealistic manufactured beauty of Hollywood. I am unhappy because I know that even if I look put together on the outside, my inside can still be quite a mess. I'm uhappy that I have to put so much effort into something that doesn't solve all my problems. I'm unhappy that looking good for some people is effortless and that even if they have an unhealthy relationship with food - atleast it doesn't show on the outside. I'm unhappy because people judge me on how I look but if I could turn myself inside-out people would smile when they saw me coming - because although I have issues, I'm a good, nice person. I'm unhappy because I don't deserve to be judged and I don't want to care what people think, but I do.

I need to find happiness within myself. I need to find a happiness that isn't reliant on outside factors like outside opinion, the weather, what I own, or how I look.

I need to find reasons to lose this weight for the right reasons.

(RIGHT) Reasons to lose weight:

To treat my body as the temple God tells us it is.

To learn self-discipline and self-respect.

To recognize that my body is a machine which needs healthy fuel.

To learn to eat to live, not live to eat.

To find other sources of happiness and not be dependant on food.

To be an example to my children.

To live longer and be able to actively participate in the lives of future generations.

To increase the potential for a healthier life, unburdended by medical problems.

To know I'm doing the best with what I have.

To be able to express myself through what I wear instead of only wearing what fits.

To be able to participate in physical activities that are part of a happy and healthy lifestyle.

To feel the freedom of running without being incumbered.

To take the pressure off the area where a tumor was removed. (If too much pressure is put on the site, it could damage the plastic reconstruction.)

Because we only get one life and I don't want to waste anymore than I already have.

To make a statement to all the companies who don't care about our health and only care about $

...What are your (right) reasons?