Friday, March 10, 2006
Struggle
I'm a people pleaser by nature so it's difficult for me to post this.
I already posted on my blog about a week ago saying that I was going to post when I wanted and read what/when I wanted and that I hope everyone understood. That was me taking care of myself. I have to take care of myself again.
I feel an immense amount of obligation to do my best at getting healthy for all of you, but have been unable to do so. If that isn't the greatest example of what a strong hold food has on me, I don't know what is.
Despite my Mom's being diagnosed with diabetes, and as a result losing nearly 50 lbs (and still going), despite my little sister being diagnosed as pre-diabetes, despite how much I want do this not only for myself, my husband, my children, and all of you - I have been failing - and it's discouraging.
I feel like a hypocrite telling all of you "Great job! Keep it up!", when I am still in the vicious cycle of:
Day 1: Excite/Determination
Day 2: Depression
Day 3: Binge
Day 4: Guilt/Self-Loathing
Day 5: I need to get back on the wagon
And this repeats itself weekly. Obviously something isn't working right.
I wish I had fantastic results for you all. Ruthie (my partner) and I Email every single day and we try so hard. Over the years I have made so many positive and healthy changes.
Switching from white bread to wheat bread to whole grain.
Switching from whole milk to 2% to 1%
Switching from regular soda to diet
Switching from dark meat to white meat
Switching from butter to butter spray
Switching from full fat mayo to light, (same with salad dressing)
Switching from vegetable oil to canola or "spray"
Buying more organic, whole grain, low sugar foods in nearly every food I buy from ice cream to pasta and cereal
Buying and eating more fruits and vegetables (that accounts for nearly half my grocery purchases and used to be like 10%)
... I'm proud of those changes and maybe they have kept me from becomming any bigger than I am - but it's still not enough.
I hope I can get it together one of these days - but I really am so proud of you who have finally broken through.
I already posted on my blog about a week ago saying that I was going to post when I wanted and read what/when I wanted and that I hope everyone understood. That was me taking care of myself. I have to take care of myself again.
I feel an immense amount of obligation to do my best at getting healthy for all of you, but have been unable to do so. If that isn't the greatest example of what a strong hold food has on me, I don't know what is.
Despite my Mom's being diagnosed with diabetes, and as a result losing nearly 50 lbs (and still going), despite my little sister being diagnosed as pre-diabetes, despite how much I want do this not only for myself, my husband, my children, and all of you - I have been failing - and it's discouraging.
I feel like a hypocrite telling all of you "Great job! Keep it up!", when I am still in the vicious cycle of:
Day 1: Excite/Determination
Day 2: Depression
Day 3: Binge
Day 4: Guilt/Self-Loathing
Day 5: I need to get back on the wagon
And this repeats itself weekly. Obviously something isn't working right.
I wish I had fantastic results for you all. Ruthie (my partner) and I Email every single day and we try so hard. Over the years I have made so many positive and healthy changes.
Switching from white bread to wheat bread to whole grain.
Switching from whole milk to 2% to 1%
Switching from regular soda to diet
Switching from dark meat to white meat
Switching from butter to butter spray
Switching from full fat mayo to light, (same with salad dressing)
Switching from vegetable oil to canola or "spray"
Buying more organic, whole grain, low sugar foods in nearly every food I buy from ice cream to pasta and cereal
Buying and eating more fruits and vegetables (that accounts for nearly half my grocery purchases and used to be like 10%)
... I'm proud of those changes and maybe they have kept me from becomming any bigger than I am - but it's still not enough.
I hope I can get it together one of these days - but I really am so proud of you who have finally broken through.
Comments:
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Tee,
no one ever said that losing weight was easy. Dont be so hard on yourslef girl. I have found that unless you are in the right frame of mind, it wont work. I think with all the stress your dealing with at home may be hindering you. Its hard to focus on losing weight when you are dealing with other things. you know what I mean?..
Dont worry, we are all proud of you....And youa re doing great..look at all the healthy choices your making now..the weight will come off..you just have to be mentally ready thats all..I know this is something that has hindered me..when i finally stopped worrying about things that were beyond my control, i began to be successfull...
did any of this make sence?..
anyway..keep it up..it will happne girl..I promise..
no one ever said that losing weight was easy. Dont be so hard on yourslef girl. I have found that unless you are in the right frame of mind, it wont work. I think with all the stress your dealing with at home may be hindering you. Its hard to focus on losing weight when you are dealing with other things. you know what I mean?..
Dont worry, we are all proud of you....And youa re doing great..look at all the healthy choices your making now..the weight will come off..you just have to be mentally ready thats all..I know this is something that has hindered me..when i finally stopped worrying about things that were beyond my control, i began to be successfull...
did any of this make sence?..
anyway..keep it up..it will happne girl..I promise..
Tee, all of those changes are great. It just won't happen until and unless your mind is ready. I wanted to be healthy and thin at 28. I turned 45 in January. See how long it took me to get with it? You are way ahead of the game in that respect.
I feel your pain Tee. I think its normal. I was reading a website on people who lose weight and keep it off and they went through these cycles a number of times until one day it just clicked and they kept going and got it all off. I will try to find the cnn article and eail it to you. Dont give up on yourself.
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